Sue,

Thank you so much for all your hard work; you truly are an inspiration to me.

I will do my best to give you a short account of my descent into hell and then my resurrection.

I was born into a family full of dysfunction and abuse. Both of my biological parents suffer from the disease of addiction and due to that I suffered a lot as a child. I don't say that to blame my parents for my CHOICES - only to help you understand where I came from. I believe my parents did they best they could. They are both still caught in the hell of drug addiction. My father left when I was very young and has never been a part of my life. My mother and I used together.

My family was originally from Pittsburg PA, but we moved to Lancaster County was I was young. As we know, however, drugs do not discriminate and they are not only in the cities!

I began using at a young age and had already tried my drug of choice by the age of 14: heroin. I wasn't a bad kid. More like confused and angry. I used drugs all through high school. I got pregnant with my daughter at 17 and married her father before my 18th birthday.

By the time I was old enough to drink legally I was a full-fledged IV drug user. I did anything and everything to get more. The Avenue in North Philadelphia became my new home. I just couldn't stop. I became an animal. Drugs had consumed me and the streets had hardened me. Somewhere in my downward spiral, the outgoing, loving little girl that God had created got lost and the monster took over. I was out of control and ok with it.

I was in so much pain and turmoil I wanted to die, but was just too weak to kill myself. I choose to self-medicate and victimize others as an escape only to hurt myself. My husband was killed in 2000 and his parents took my daughter. I was devastated and yet relieved. I had become my mother and my child was suffering once again. God intervened.

My first rehab was Livingrin in Bucks County, I went there in 1998, I went back there two more times. I have been in a total of 14 different treatment centers and that does not include prison. I just couldn't get it. I truly believed I would die a junkie, but God spared me and gave me another purpose.

In November of 2002 I was with my PO, had given yet another dirty urine and was looking at jail time. I was homeless at the time and jail was looking pretty good. It was cold outside and I was tired of trying to hustle up a place to crash. I had run out of places to put up my tent and the guy I was running with was back in jail, so once again, I was alone, hungry, cold, angry, and strung out.

God intervened again. Tom, my PO, said he would give me one more chance to get some help. We called every treatment center in the state and NO ONE would take me! They said I was a runner and they didn't want the liability! When did my life stop mattering? My already broken spirit died at that moment. I wasn't worth giving help to. See, that's what we think when doors are closed on us. I was devastated.

Tom said he had one more place to try, and that it was a Christian shelter not a treatment provider. I was desperate and agreed to try it. They didn't ask any questions, all they wanted to know was when I could get there. I arrived at the Bethesda Mission on November 20, 2002 and began my journey to recovery.

They helped transform a broken and battered little girl into a woman and they never asked for my insurance information. NOT EVEN ONCE.

Recovery is not easy, but it is possible. I attend meetings regularly, I have a sponsor, I work the steps and most importantly, I give back what was so freely given to me. I will have 3 years clean on the 21st of November; a junkie whore like me has three years clean.

It is a miracle and my life is a gift that I don't take lightly. I have buried many loved ones who never got to be free from active addiction so I know that I am blessed and that I have to speak out for the one's who can't speak for themselves.

My daughter is now 11 and we are moving into our first apartment together on December 1st. I have been at the mission for over two years and they have never asked me to leave. It is an amazing place. I wish all treatment centers would be so open.

For the still sick and suffering, I want you to know WE DO NOT FAIL UNTIL WE STOP TRYING! You suffer from an incurable disease. It took me many stumbles until I finally surrendered. I will never be well, but with the help from a twelve step program and my God, I can maintain my recovery. I am so grateful. I pray for all of you who have lost loved ones and for the ones who are still lost. There is another way to live. There is light in the darkness. We just have to fight for it the same way we fought for our dope. Hold on and never give up on yourself. I am fighting for you and I will, until I take my final breath.

Jodi Hoffman