John was my first born. I was 17 when I had him. I didn't know how to be a mother. I wasn't sure of anything. Then I saw him and I loved him so much. Nothing else mattered because he loved me back! He became my life, my baby, my best friend. John was very shy and I believe that's what started his addiction. He went from drinking and smoking pot, to heroin. I remember the last months of John's life. He was finally straight. I was so Happy!

He had lost his brother Dennis, to heroin. He knew how our family struggled to deal with our loss. One morning my husband, John's stepfather, took me to look for John. We found him and went to breakfast. I couldn't stop crying. I hated to see him when he was sick. He went to jail for a few months. When he got out, he went to live with his brother. He was doing so good, but he wanted to drink. I kept telling him that he couldn't. He got drunk one day and left. We looked for him but couldn't find him. I thought he must be in a program. My son was so determined to find John that he called every police station in Philadelphia, and then he called the morgue. They had John. He was found in a vacant lot. He died of a heroin overdose. Again I was left to deal with the pain of losing another child. I had not yet come to terms with Dennis's death. Some days I am so overwhelmed with grief. I feel like my heart has been ripped out of my chest. If I could have only one wish to come true, it would be to hold my sons, if only for a minute. Some people say they are at peace now. The only peace I have is knowing they are just sleeping and will one day wake up. Until that day I will go on loving and missing them with every beat of my heart.

John had many good traits. He was just so very troubled but he was very kind and everyone who knew him loved him.