I remember it like it was yesterday...my youngest six year old son sitting at the top of the stairs and saying in this very small voice "don't anybody worry about me...just take care of my mom." I had just gotten done telling my children that their father had passed away at the hospital. Brett was so close to his Dad...his protector...the one who sat with him and got him glasses of water. He was lost...he was sad and yet all he thought about was me.

That protector mode lasted until his teenage years...and then something happened. Brett seemed to lose his identity...he could not focus...he seemed distant and angry. I believed it was just hormones...but I did the thing a good Mom does...I had him evaluated...took him to counseling...got him tutoring...paid more attention to him. He fell in love and when that ended...it was like he lost his heart, too. I used to pray...pray for him to find himself...to find the direction he needed to shoot for...to find his place in this world.

When I moved into the country...Brett came with me and hated it...too far from his friends...too far from everything. Although he gradually settled in (when he learned his friends LOVED it out here) but he still complained every chance he got. That, to me, was when the drinking started...but in actuality...it started long before that...I was just too ignorant and innocent to see it. After a while, his unhappiness and drinking got to be too much for both of us and he moved into town to live with his brother...mostly at my suggestion. This was the tough love I knew I should do...but it was with a sigh of relief and sharp stings of panic that I let him go out on his own. I was there for the "bill" crisis and I cooked every week and bought all the little things he loved...and our relationship became different...but less strained.

In early May of 2005, his older brother, Justin, had a melt down with crystal meth. I was shocked, scared and bewildered...what was this evil and why would my smart kid take it? Brett decided that he wanted to move out of that house...he hated the "drug" people who came over...and wanted to start clean somewhere else. What I did not know, was that he had gotten sucked into the bowels of addiction when involved with a girl. She went on her merry way...Brett became addicted right away...suffering from panic attacks...and fear of the unknown. Two days before his untimely death he said to his brother "how did I ever get involved with this...and how am I going to get out." He had just signed up for fire school...he was a personal trainer...he had a future...and the life was being sucked out of him every single day by his body's need for the drugs. He tried a program...it did not work. He even told me that he was addicted to pain killers...but then said the program was working. I went back into my innocent shell...and then came the knock on the door at 9 p.m. on Father's Day 6-19-2005.

How do you describe having your worst nightmare come true? How do we, as parents...move forward...go on living day to day...and try to function? As an Officer with MADD, I was no stranger to a mother's pain...I have been their main speaker for 8 years...telling of every one else's pain. Now, I also tell of mine...this gut wrenching heartache that will not quit. Every day, I try to remember the good memories...how much he loved me...how many little cards and notes I have saved over the years that remind me. His friends call me and tell me that he loved and respected me so much...and yet, there is nothing that can touch the pain. They say time heals all wounds...whoever "they" is...has never been a mother who has lost her precious child. I miss him so much...every day, every minute and every hour.

And so I say...If I can save one life with Brett's story...it is worth the pain of telling it...worth these tears streaming down my face as I type. But I can say, with the utmost conviction...any one who is thinking of using drugs...you will not escape unharmed. They will consume you, destroy you...and take away all that makes you happy. Why would you ever want to give that much POWER to anything???

For more details and photos about Brett's life, please visit BrettTozzo.com.